Well, the last half an hour has just freaked me the fuck out. MW is currently in bed. I went in to check that she was alright before making a night-time drink. She said, “Don’t think I’m stupid but what would you say if I said I told you I’d been talking to your Dad? And that he’s all around us?”. My Dad’s been dead for ten years now. She grabbed my hand and said that he would have to “show himself”. She continued to talk to thin air for a minute or two. I had no idea what to say or how to react.
MW has NEVER shown any interest in the occult or in mediums. The opposite is true, she was always very sceptical about it. I remember she once went to see a fortune teller as part of a group but her demeanour towards it was very sceptical. I know people change over time but this is the first time she’s behaved like this. It’s really scaring me. Not the subject matter, I don’t suddenly believe she’s developed a ‘gift’. I assume she’s either reacting to her medication, or her lesions are affecting whichever part of her brain is responsible for hallucinations and other related symptoms.
We celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary on Sunday. I look at how she was then, and compare that with how she is today. It’s frightening, and very upsetting. Tonight’s incident is another in a long list of examples of how MS has changed her. I’m scared. I’m scared of losing her completely. I’m scared of the future. And I’m tired of being scared.